As a young boy I loved going to the movie rental store and like most young boys I was always intrigued by what was behind the velvet black curtain. Of course we were never allowed to peek in, but as a curious young boy I couldn’t help myself. I later learned that behind the black curtain was the “adult” section in the so called, “family” video store. And it wasn’t long before I found myself quite enticed by the images behind those velvet drapes! Little did I know the damage and destruction those videos caused to the mind of a young male. At first it seems like harmless play, boys will be boys after all! But what our society has largely ignored is the addictive qualities of pornography and how it destroys marriages, children and lives. At one point I was caught in this vicious vice, but by the grace of God I got out and am experiencing victory. Before I give you some practical steps to overcome pornography we must first understand the effect it has on the male brain.
The effect of pornography on the brain
Pornography is an illusion. It promises connection and satisfaction, but leaves us disconnected and wanting more. The brain is pre-wired for community and a deep sense of emotional and physical intimacy with another. The lie of pornography is that you can get intimacy without the relationship. Or even more dangerous, you can get intimacy UNTIL you find that relationship. The sad reality is, once you do find that person, pornography has already hooked you and nothing else can satisfy!
So what happens to a man’s brain who views pornography? The male brain is particularly sensitive to images and pictures due to hormone levels in the womb and during puberty which are then molded by his psychological experiences. This is important because that first exposure to pornography often leads to a downward spiral and in many cases, eventually addiction. Neuroscientist William M Struthers writes in his book, “Wired for intimacy. How pornography hijacks the male brain”
“The visual scanning of the naked image has a power to it that forces itself onto the male brain. The peculiar proficiency that the male brain has to relay this signal, combined with a man’s personal history and thought habits (his experience with looking at pornography), are why so many men have difficulty looking away. The signal is received and then projected onto the display, the visual experience of the viewer. The depiction of nudity and sexual acts have a hypnotic effect and the ability to hold their attention similar to an HD Television”.
William M. Struthers. “Wired for Intimacy. How pornography hijacks the male brain” 2009, IVP
These images create a false sense of connectedness and naturally draw a man in for more. The more a man looks at pornography, the more it draws him in. As he is exposed to these images it begins to form neural pathways in the brain. William Struthers likens it to a path being made by hikers. With each new hiker, the pathway becomes deeper and wider. And so with each new exposure to pornography, the neural pathway becomes deeper and wider, eventually becoming the automatic pathway through which interactions with women are transmitted. Struthers writes,
“With each lingering stare, pornography deepens a Grand Canyon-like gorge in the brain through which images of women are destined to flow. This extends to women that they have not seen naked or engaging in sexual acts as well. All women become potential porn stars in the minds of these men. They have unknowingly created a neurological circuit that imprisons their ability to see women rightly as created in God’s image”.
William M. Struthers. “Wired for Intimacy. How pornography hijacks the male brain” 2009, IVP
With repeated exposure to pornography a one way, over sexualized, neurological super-highway is created, which imprisons the man’s mind, hemming him in on every side, making escape almost impossible. God created men to be sexually intimate and to please one woman, but pornography re-wires our brain to accommodate many images of many woman. This constructs a neurological super highway for speed, rather than slow discovery and appreciation of a loving partner. This reality, coupled with the release of the pleasure chemical dopamine in the brain makes pornography extremely dangerous, and addictive.
The best cure is prevention. If you have young children, DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO KEEP THEM AWAY FROM PORNOGRAPHY! But if your story is anything like mine, then you are already in the pornography pit. I want to share several practical steps you can take to overcome this vice!
1) Walking in the light
The bible tells us in 1 John 5-8 says,
“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”
To overcome pornography we need to be willing to walk in the light. Walking in the light means being transparent and exposed. This is maybe one of the most humbling experiences you will ever have to initiate.
The function of the light is to expose. If there is one thing I have learned about sin, it is that it receives its lifeblood in the darkness. However, when sin is exposed to the light it almost immediately suffocates and dies. If you are hiding your pornography use from your family, friends and church, then you are only feeding the beast. You need to come out and confess it to somebody you trust. I went to a pastor and confessed my struggle, I went to a friend and confessed my struggle, I even eventually went to my wife and confessed my struggle! (Use wisdom here, I recommend getting a third party counselor involved) It was uncomfortable, but it was in the exposure that the sin of pornography started to lose its power in my life. Once it’s out there, you no longer need to hide.
If you walk in the light, the bible says, we have fellowship with Christ, and with ONE ANOTHER! It’s that openness and transparency of walking in the light, TOGETHER that will give sin little room to maneuver in your life. The reality of fellowship with Christ and His people cannot be divorced from one another. If you have fellowship with Jesus, you WILL have fellowship with His church. It is no mistake that God created the Christian life to function in that way, it is the perfect recipe for humility and victory over sin!
So pray about who you should confess your struggle too. Maybe it’s a pastor, or a Godly friend. Confess to someone you trust and build a fortress of Godly people around you who will support and help you through it.
2) The Matthew 5:27-30 Principle
Matthew 5:27-30 says,
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”
Jesus reserves some of His most violent words for the issue of sexual purity. He once again raises the standard. Not only should you not commit adultery, but you should not even LOOK at a woman with lustful intent in your heart. Jesus understands that sin starts in the mind, and then eventually works itself out into actions. So the Lord tells us to rip our eyes from their sockets and throw them away. He tells us to go to the shed and saw off our hand if it causes us to sin. Now of course this is not literal but metaphorical language. What Jesus is teaching is that we must remove all things in our lives that would cause us to sin. Pornography is a relentless and merciless sin that will devour you. If left unchecked pornography can and will consume you like a starved lion in a den waiting for its next criminal to rip to shreds. Identify and remove everything in your life which enables and feeds the beast.
You may not think having a little peek into that swimsuit edition is a big deal, but let me assure you, it is. Sin is relentless, and so long as you take that first step, it will slowly find a way to devour you. It is no wonder Jesus uses such violent language when dealing with sexual sin. Do not be deceived, you are not strong enough to fight this on your own. Completely eradicate anything that would have even the slightest chance of causing you to fall into pornography. Get an internet filter software, install an ad blocker on your browser, take an extended leave of absence from internet usage, delete or un-follow anyone on your social media that posts sexually explicit pictures, throw your computer out the window, do whatever you have to do in order to cut off any enabling source of sin in your life!
3) Daily Prayer
This may seem like a no brainer, but it is something that a lot of us neglect. All throughout the New Testament we see Jesus going away to be alone and pray. Prayer is what Christ lived on, he ate it, drank it and breathed it. When Jesus was cleansing the temple and driving out the money changers and sinners, He said something very telling, “My house shall be a house of prayer,’ but you have made it a den of robbers.” (Matthew 21:13) How did sin enter the temple of God? It had ceased being a house of prayer, and became a den of robbers, a house of commerce. Oh sure people still prayed in the temple, but it was not the main priority any longer. Making money had become the priority and seeking God had become secondary.
Sin grows and lives in the darkness, and prayer decays and dies in that same darkness. There is no better way to strengthen sin in your life, then to hide it and not pray. We must be those who walk in the light, and earnestly pray to God for strength to stand firm.
Sin will melt off your life, when you walk in the light and pray. God has chosen the pipeline of prayer to send us strength, encouragement and peace. The bible says in Philippians 4:6-7,
“but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
God has chosen to use the fellowship of prayer, to give us peace and the shield that will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ. The fact is you cannot lose weight by sitting around and doing nothing. So to did God prescribe, that you cannot overcome sin, without the fellowship of Prayer.
If you’re serious about overcoming pornography, then you need to become serious about prayer. Pray every day that the Holy Spirit will cultivate in you the fruit of the Spirit, especially the fruit of self-control. Pray every day that God will not only forgive you of your sins, but completely eradicate ALL unrighteousness from your life. Pray that God will renew your mind in His word as you read it daily. Pray with others about your struggle and have your fortress of Godly support praying for you as well.
4) Live in the Gospel
The Gospel is good news, and news affects our lives one way or the other. Think about how the news of 9/11 affected all of our lives. News is not just information, it’s information that actively affects our day to day lives. If the Gospel was a newspaper story then 1 Corinthians 15:3-5 is like the headline.
“For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve.”
Christ died and rose again, that’s the news in a nutshell. This is good news because the wrath of God has been removed and our sins have been bloated out.
When I was a kid, I was not allowed to jump on my parents bed. Well, I liked wrestling, and my parents had a big bed. So like any little boy I waited until they left then I jumped in the ring. There was a lamp near the bed that had no lampshade. As I was wrestling with my stuffed animals, I knocked the lamp over. But I didn’t care, I was in the match of my life. Eventually I began to smell burning plastic and when I looked down the carpet had completely melted under the heat of the light bulb. Not only was the carpet destroyed, but the whole house smelled like a plastics factory. I quickly found some febreze spray and covered up the portion of carpet that looked like it had gone through a flaming blender. But no matter how much I covered up the damage, it would never be restored to its former shape.
We are stained with sin, and no amount of cover up can take away our blemish. But because of the news that Jesus died and rose again we can have hope. Jesus doesn’t just cover up the carpet, He removes all the furniture, rips the carpet out, throws it in the trash, completely guts the room, re-builds it and on top of all that, He replaces the carpet with a stain resistant, heat resistant carpet that stays perfect forever! Christ takes our sins away forever, and gives us His perfection!
It is this good news that actually affects the way we live our lives. It is this good news that will empower us to overcome pornography. We need to live in the Gospel every day. We need to breath the gospel, eat the gospel and drink the gospel. This is not just any news this is the best news you’ve ever heard. News changes people. When a man gets news that his wife is pregnant, he receives motivation to step up his game and be the best dad he can be. When you receive the news that you got that job you’ve always wanted, immediately your energy levels spike, and you’re ready to take on the world. Good news is not just information it has transformational power. If those examples of good news transform us to some degree, how much more does the good news of Christ have power to transform us!
Final Thoughts
Our foundation is Christ. He has the power to transform you and has given us all the tools necessary to overcome pornography.
1) Christ has given us a church to walk with. Walk in the light of Christ in the church of Christ. Confess your pornography use to some trusted leaders and Godly people, and so allow the light of Christ to suffocate the dragon of pornography.
2) Christ has given us the command to obey. Obey His command in Matthew 5:27-30. Cut off everything that would enable you to fall into pornography, leave no stone un-turned, be relentless!
3) Christ has given us the pipeline power of prayer. The fellowship with our triune God in prayer will give you the strength and power, to guard you heart and mind against evil.
4) And finally, Christ has given us HIMSELF. In the Gospel we have the transformational information we need to severe the head off of the Goliath of pornography!
Put these 4 steps into practice, and stand firm in the faith. When it comes to our dealings with people, Jesus said blessed are the merciful. Well when it comes to our fight against pornography, blessed are the merciless, for they shall stand firm!
Sources:
William M. Struthers. “Wired for Intimacy. How pornography hijacks the male brain” 2009, IVP
